From here to eternity

I spend everyday missing her but trying to stay away from her. She was all I ever wished for, she was all I cared for but now I spend each day keeping myself busy with god knows what sort of crap so that i dont have to think of her. I never did anything worthwhile with my life, the only thing which I had was the fact that i make her happy. Now my life pretty much feels like a bunch of mechanical routines i go over day in and day out.

Everytime I talk to her i feel a void deep down inside me. and frankly it doesnt surprise me in any fucking way. Though I still have no fucking idea how i am dealing with this. I was never good at ignoring facts but suddenly I am freaking awesome at it. I just ignore us like those years of my life were never there.

The years i considered the best years of life dont even exsist anymore and from here to eternity all I see is a numb, unconscious, horribly disturbing nightmare.

man all i have typed looks like a bunch of random sentences bundled to look something worthwhile but i guess this is what my actual state is right now; a bunch of random emotions waiting to be salvaged by time.